Dating With Friendship Influences Can Cause Problems
Dating isn’t as easy as some people would have you believe, and having friendship involvement in your dating can make it even harder. We will assume that your friends mean well and only want what’s best for you, but if they start getting tangled in your romantic life, then it’s time to do something about it. Handling it the right way will prevent feelings from being hurt and will give you and your dating partner’s peace of mind.
The first thing you need to do is assess how much of a problem the friendship involvement in your dating really is. Perhaps you are being over-sensitive because you feel the need to defend your date. If so, this could make their innocent questions seem like an attack of some kind. Do your best to step away from the situation and look at it objectively. Your friends care about you, and may only be trying to prevent you from getting hurt.
Assuming they are butting in more than they have to (they are friends after all, so there will always be some butting in) then you need to make that stop. The big secret here is to talk about their behavior, and not their character. In other words, don’t be judgmental or make them sound like bad friends. Instead, mention the behavior that is causing you concern and keep the focus on that behavior.
The next step is to mention how their behavior makes you feel. If you’re a guy, then this can be a difficult thing to do, because your friends may tease you for being weak or too sensitive. However, this will eventually pass, and if it doesn’t, it may be time to hang out with a different group of friends. Either way, telling them how you feel it will help them to understand why their behavior is bothering you, and will give them an added reason to stop getting so involved in your romantic life.
Your friends will typically interfere for one of two reasons: they are jealous of the time you are spending with the new person in your life, or they think that this new person isn’t right for you. There is also a chance that these two reasons are intertwined. Your friends may not even be aware of their jealousy, so they warn you about the “trouble” this new person will cause you; all the while, they are blissfully unaware of their true motivations.
Of course there are also times when having your friends involved is a good thing. Remember, they have seen you in relationships before, and they can view your current situation more objectively than you can. When this happens you will need to weight their advice carefully. It may be unpleasant to hear what they have to say, but if it turns out to be true, then your friends may have saved you from a lot of hassle and heartache.
Friendship involvement in your dating isn’t an easy issue to deal with. The best thing is to keep in mind that they are your friends and for that reason alone, they deserve the benefit of the doubt.